The Pink Polka Dotted Nightgown

From early childhood to my grandmother's death in eighth grade, my pink polka dotted nightgown has stayed by my side.

It is light pink with white polka dots. Ruffles lay gently across my shoulders, while more dance along the ground. When I was younger it was over-sized, swallowing my small frame in its countless miles of material. Now, however, it can barely fit around my torso. Even though it is more of a summery nightgown, I wear it on the coldest of winter nights. There are a few small holes at the bottom of my gown, as well as one huge one that gives the impression that I either went through battle in it or that something dramatic had to have happened. Whatever the case may be, I love this nightgown anyways. There is a small tear by the collar that grew each time I wore it, indirectly telling me that I wasn't a little girl anymore, and that I was indeed growing up. After it became impossible to wear, I still kept it. I couldn't dare throw it in the trash, not yet anyway. This nightgown has grown up with me and has left an impact on my life that I never thought to be possible by a piece of clothing.

It came to me as a gift from my mother. She loved to dress me up when I was younger; she placed bows in my hair and put me in frilly dresses. As the years went on, though, I become more involved in sports and became "one of the guys". I was about seven when she gave me this gown, and I feel that it was her way of trying to keep that bit of girlishness in me. I loved it the minute I saw it. I was light pink, the color of flushed cheeks, which happened to be my favorite color at the time. I wore it always. Even when I got to old too wear it, I did anyways. I had this special connection with this nightgown; it has been with me through the good times and the bad. 

I grew up having to wear a back brace: twenty hours a day for seven years. I couldn't wear what I wanted. I had to always wear baggy clothes; sweats, jeans two sizes bigger, over-sized shirts, and hoodies. My brace was always restricting me in some shape or form and I don't think most people knew how limited I felt. I never felt pretty in my brace, which leads to some self conscious issues I have today. However, whenever I put on my nightgown all that changed. My gown stretched around my brace but didn't hug my body too tight where the brace became visible. It was hidden perfectly, like a chest of buried treasure. I felt like a princess in that dress, I felt pretty. I would just stare at myself in the mirror and imagine myself as this beautiful girl that everyone admired. My nightgown made me feel better about myself and at the end of the day made me feel like the princess I knew I always was.

I was a frequent visitor at my grandmom's house, and so was my polka dotted nightgown. Most of the times I slept over I was always wearing it. Together we would play board games, watch movies, and have a late night snack; my grandmother, my siblings, and I in my nightgown. The holes that developed at the bottom of the gown were from wrestling with my brother and sister, while the bigger hole was formed from it getting caught in the railing as I ran up the stairs. The holes grew and grew as my foot kept awkwardly stepping through them, ripping the weak material even more. As years went on, I didn't sleep at my grandmother's as much; nevertheless, whenever I looked at my pink polka dotted nightgown my mind instantly flashes to the times I spent there and I relive the moments all over again.

In eighth grade my grandmother unexpectedly passed away. It became one of the hardest times of my life. At night I would hold my nightgown close and remember the good times I spent with her, instead of how difficult it was to lose her. I even tried my nightgown back on and slept in it the day I found out she died, although after an uncomfortable night's sleep I just held onto it instead. Losing my grandmom was much harder than I could have ever imagined, but I believe that having my nightgown and reminding me of the memories we shared helped me through it.

My pink polka dotted nightgown is much more than a piece of clothing. It is a lifesaver, a safe place, a friend. Even though I don't have it anymore, I will always remember the impact it left on my life and how it has helped me grow as a person.